I'm 13, my mum parents gave been divorced for 6 years and I live with my mum, but visit my dad on weekends. Most people say that their mum means the world to them, and that they have that "special bond" with their mum, well I sure to hell don't. She drinks about 4-5 bottles of wine a week in front of me, ever since I was younger. She once left me for 5 hours alone when I was 10 to go drinking with her stupid boyfriend, this was the same night she broke her foot and my sister found her in the street, laying on the floor. Whenever my half brother comes to visit, she always says that I never do anything and says that I'm a useless piece of shit and all this kind of crap, I always listen. she twists my words and tells my dad that i swear at her all the time and acts like she's all perfect. I would prefer to live with my dad, but he works a lot and if he didn't, he would lose his house because he wouldn't be able to pay for it. He is the best dad, he makes me laugh, buys me things, cooks me food, and always tells me that he loves me. Ever since i was 9, I have cooked my own meals, because she gets too drunk and simply can't be bothered to cook for me. I get angry when kids in school get excited because they can bake cookies, I just feel like saying "wow, you can bake cookies, try providing for yourself while your mum gets pissed on booze, then tell me if you think baking cookies is awesome". I have so much anger, I throw things, swear a lot and think about killing myself as the easy option, instead of getting bullied in school, plus coming home to a drunk mum who couldn't give a damn about me. I cry everyday, in the bathroom, while my mum tries to break down the door, swearing at me, you have no idea what its like. I fucking hate her, she threatens to put me in care and always says that my dad doesn't love me when its really vice versa. she steals my pocket money, from my dad, so i have to put a lock on my door, every time i leave my bedroom. I hide Money under carpets and behind wallpaper, just so she won't spend it on alcohol. The most humiliating thing in my life was when I had a sleepover with my friend. My mum was in the garden with this man who she claimed to be a friend of the neighbours. It was late at night and at 2 am me and my friend were tired and went to get a drink to then go upstairs to bed. But my friend said "soph, what's that noise"? And it turned out to be my mum having sex with him, in the spare room, she was really drunk. I went fucking mental and banged on the door, threw stuff at the guy until he left, I was so embarrassed, this happened last year and I ended up breaking down and crying in front of my friend, I can never forgive her for that, she was laughing when I was screaming at her. I just want to kill her because she makes me so angry, there's no way out, just pure hatred towards my mum, is there any advice on my situation, I'm a girl BTW, thanks :)
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