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What do you think to my story so far?




Carpet Floors - the soft and comfortable side of living.

I'm only 13 at the moment, and I'll tweak the vocabulary and grammar when I'm older.
I'm a completely amateur writer, but I just thought I'd give it a try,because I've had this storyline in my head for a while.
This is the first chapter of my new book, about a young girl who reveals the huge government secret.

Chapter 1

It?s 3:17am, and I?m still awake. I can hear the rain tapping at my window. I sit up, pull back my quilt cover, swing my legs round the side of the bed, and walk over to the window. I use one index finger to pull back one of the blinds, and peer outside. All the lights in the houses across the road are off, and the only light is coming from a dim streetlamp about 80 yards down the road.
I decide to slip out the house. I scan my bedroom floor for a clean pair of socks. There aren?t any. But socks aren?t necessary for this particular activity. They?d only be another item of clothing to get soaked in the rain.
I step carefully out onto the landing, and feel the soft tufts of carpet between my toes. I pause and hold my breath. Heavy breathing. She?s asleep.
I walk downstairs and jump to the light- inside a house, you?re trapped in the dark, with no means of escape. Outside, you can run.
I walk through to the corridor, the sweat on my feet causing them to stick to the floor, making Velcro sounds as I pull them from the floorboards. The front door is the only thing left to get past. I turn the lock carefully. Once. Click. Twice. Click. I stretch out one hand and curl my fingers around the cold, steel door handle. At that moment, a loud crash disturbs my train of thought, and causes my heart to thump loudly. I stop dead in my tracks. One of the children from next door giggles. I can only imagine that the disturbance was something dropping next door. I return to the front door. I pull slowly on the handle, and silently it opens, as much as I dare open it, and I squeeze through.
Out in the open, I breathe in the fresh air. I feel like I could run for miles without stopping. Instead, I lay by the new flats across the road, and try to blend in. You never know who might be watching. I take a minute to sit back, and allow the rain to drench my clothes, forgetting everything. They become heavy, but it refreshes me.
I can?t help but smile. For a moment I?m safe. These are the moments I live for. Ignorance is bliss. I wish I could have my naivety back. Alas, it?s too late for me now. I know too much. They?ll shoot me at the first chance.
I hear a car come closer. I hold my breath. I decide it?s not safe for me to be out here. I sprint back across the road, and pull the door open. I close it gently behind me, and relock it. Click, click. I leave the downstairs light on, and leap up the stairs, missing every third step. I re-enter my room, and close the door behind me. My clothes are dripping wet, but I don?t care. I?m ready to go to sleep now.
I let myself fall onto my bed, shiver, and I forget what happened after that.

 What do you think to my story so far? on Yahoo answers




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