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What do u think of my story so far? please give some constructive critacism!?




Carpet Floors - the soft and comfortable side of living.

A boy sat in a white room. The roo had only a bed in it. There was a sky light and a door. The door had no window. The boys hair was also white as snow and had dark brown eyes. The floor was carpeted with a thick white carpet. The only color besides white was a red band aroung his wrist. The boy was wearing a pair of white slacks. He was looking up at the sky light but outside was dark. It was night. He had been sitting there for what he guessed was 20 or so minutes since he had woken up in this reoom. He didn?t know where he was or why he was here but he wasn?t afraid. He just sat there looking up, trying to see something, anything out the dark window.
He was trying to remember who exactly he was. He heard voices from behind the door. He lay back down in the bed. A girl with a white pencil skirt and a white button up dress shirt opned the door. He cuaght a glimpse of a long hall way with many doors leading off it. He saw someone, a man, retreating down the hall his back to the boy. The girl had a completely white clip boeard in her hands. Her hair was dark brown and in a pile on top of her head. She had bright green eyes. Her skin was very pale, like the boys own skin. She looked about 16.
(revision second sentence: The room had only a bed in it which he was sitting in)
She reached intp pocket in her skirt and pulled out a white object. She seemed to press a button on it and then procede to attach the object to the wall by the door, still without saying a word. The boy watched her. He thought that he might be about 16 too. He wasn?t sure. She reached into the pocket again and pulled out yet another white object. This one look like something he had seen before. A cell phone. But it had only 7 buttons all read. She pressed the fourth button. She whispered something into the devise. Her voice was sweet and even and flowed smoothly. even though he could only hear a murrering the boy could tell.

 What do u think of my story so far? please give some constructive critacism!? on Yahoo answers




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