1. My mother taught me to APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If your don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next
week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks like a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate."
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brough you into this world, I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in the world who don't have
wonderful parents like you."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just you wait until we get home!"
17. My mother me taught about RECIEVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you thinkI know when you're cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetable, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS."
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get ot be my age, you'll understand."
25. And my favorite: - My mother taught me JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
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