i joined the website ' friends reunited ' months and months ago, created a basic profile , not really explored the site since ...... just before i decided to browse it and to see if i could find old names of people i remember , i put in my school name from secondary school , my school came up to which over 2.000 people are a member..
i browsed the list and was amazed to see lots of people i remember, old names, their profiles , paragraphs about what their doing now , i was extremely depressed to see many or most have gone on to live happy, fullfilling, normal lives , travelled the world, had various jobs, have careers , partners and have settled down..
for most of them their lives have gone interesting, normal, exciting, one guy i remember is a pharmacist in truro cornwall, collects spiders , plays rugby has a beautiful wife to which he is pictured with her, things have gone great he says , and he is living a happy life and has everything hes ever wished for ..
he mentioned all the popular pupils names he remembers and how hed like to hear from them again if they see his profile..
another girl katie i remember , very cute , had braces, now teaches and lives in queens australia and is very happily married.
in comparison my life has gone completley sh1t and a disaster, ive lived my whole adult life in complete misery.
my life has been unbelievable sh!t - its been a nightmare. suffered many things.
people in life have always let me down, never formed a close relationship, always one sided or them using me.
ive had an unfair life, made mistakes , have a criminal record over 7 years back, - live in a one bedroom flat on disability benefits , i own hardly no material possessions - been in a mental hospital, got no employment history- no qualifications - have psychological disorders im receiving and chasing help for, im nearly 31 years of age.
never forged a single friendship, i get to clingy, to emotional, to insecure, want intimacy straight away, have poor conversational skills and maintaining a conversation i find very difficult.
i live alone in a one bedroom apartment alienated from society, reliant on help from the mental health services.
nearly 31 and never forged a single friendship, i get to clingy, to emotional, to insecure, want intimacy straight away, have poor conversational skills and maintaining a conversation i find very difficult.
i have a personality disorder and ptsd traits.
i have a criminal past, a mental health record, no employment history because of a hard, unfortunate life, no qualifications .
i own literally nothing except an old computer, i live of benefit like a parasite , have no carpets on my floor, a crap matress for a bed etc.
theres no individual psychotherapy in my area due to lack of resources but their offering an occupational therapist to help me practically , to integrate me back into society, get doing things and involved with things.
meanwhile my goals are :
which im not prepared to compromise is ; leave england - move to spain somewhere near a quiet coast with a computer job, find a wife and a simple quiet life.
how do i come to terms and get over this ?
everybody else i remember from that secondary school their lives have gone ok and they hold good jobs, travelled the world , lived their lives to the fullest , have kids partners , and are very happy
if any of those kids pupils saw me now, theyd run a mile and not want to know or have
' anything to do with me '
im a complete broken down wreck of a human being , with 2 mising teeth, an average penis , and nothing , NOTHING at all going for me..
holy sh1t
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