im 30 now , had a very hard unfortunate life , suffered plenty of traumatic times since 16.
i live in a one bedroom flat in the north of england , on disability benefits, i own nothing except an old computer - got no carpets on my floor, a shabby bed etc. i suffer with borderline personality disorder and post traumatic stress - im waiting to hear if i will get group therapy ; my main problems are severe low self worth , rage and aggression and aggraphobia and anxiety, i have social problems forming friendships or relationships with people.
ive had a severe hard life, suffered severe abuse, bullying , victimisation, bad times , assaults , head injuries , homelessness , time in a psychiatric hospital , over a time span 0f 16 years , since the age of 16.
ive missed out on most things in life people take for granted : forming any relationships with anyone . never been employed , spent all my life on disability , never got an education , never got any qualifications.
have a minor criminal record.
in the present im waiting to hear if ill get group therapy..
i dont go outside because of extreme anxiety and aggrophobia, also the difficulty in still controlling aggression and rage......and ptsd symptoms to.
ive been checked out twice by dermatologists, have had 2 opinions regarding a skin condition on the head of my penis, the last dermatologist said there wernt any skin problems, so i wasnt happy so ive asked for a 3rd opinion , so she has refered me to a professor at a hospital.
the problem is the skin covering - ' the head ' - of my penis is all cracked open and torn , like little tears covering the head , ive had it years but only in the last year noticed not alot of guys have it , and worried it aint normal, it doesnt hurt but is sensitive..
so that problems outstanding, waiting for clarity, and i cant accept its ' normal '.
im out of shape and slightly overweight, because ive been very inactive for a long time.
my joints and ligaments ache if i try to do minimal activity, also my joints and ligaments feel very weak and delicate at times and easily
' move out of place ' -
so im worrying what that is and havent had it investigated.
i sprained my ankle badly a year ago, and torn my ankle ligaments, my ankles very weak, and i have to be careful how i walk, ive had a scan on it and im waiting to be reviewed by the consultant of the outcome.
ive been told my ankle will take time to heal - so thats worrying me.
i injured my little finger years ago and now its crooked and droops over slightly, although it doesnt hurt - a splint did not straighten it - but i was told theres nothing that can be done to straighten it now.
for vain reasons im worrying about it, and i cant accept that ' nothing can be done to straighten it ' . so thats playing on my mind.
i punched a wall years ago, and damaged the nerves in my right knuckle, it doesnt hurt, can use it normally, but if i try to hit a punch bag , i get shooting pains in my knuckle .
i was told nothing can be done to repair the damaged nerves in my knuckle and once again , i cant accept that.
so i suppose if i wanted to get those injuries attended to id have to pay privatly and i dont have the money right now because im on disability..
what am i gonna do? to me this hear is a lot of problems
i know its long but i would appreciate greatly anyone who reads it and can offer any reassurance.
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