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How's this scene? should i delete it and start it again, or leave it as it is?




Carpet Floors - the soft and comfortable side of living.

I looked up from my book to the old grandfather clock standing proudly against the blood splattered wall, stained in a way I?d grew far too familiar with. My eyes were heavy and sore from constant crying and constant sleepless nights. I could feel my mind deteriorating away with every passing second. The proud clock was the only thing still alive in this decrepit building, the only thing awake and working as it should. I closed my eyes and listened to the clock tick the seconds away, the reiterating sound of life itself. I tried to remember a time when this house was a home, when it was full of life, full of love, full to the brim with laughter and excitement. Not the empty building it is now, full of nothing except empty echoes and empty promises. It?s all the fault of that one girl, the doll-like being, Yuki Banner.


1
Leigh Alton


?Leigh, come on!? my brother called to me from down-stairs. I was locked safely in my own little world too focused to really listen to him. I was lying stomach down on my bed, my pale legs swinging in the air slightly, humming a soft piece of violin music to myself that I could hear from downstairs, drawing a picture of a small gothic china doll in her case. She had big beautiful, dark eyes and long black hair, with the odd loose curl and a childish ruler cut fringe. I was aware that it was weird for a girl my age to be interested in dolls, but I really didn?t care, it was better than listening to the ramblings of the eleven other orphans that lived with Blayke. Out of the twelve of us, I was the youngest and the only one with a living relative. I was unbelievably lucky to still have him Landon. Another thing that separated me from the orphans at Blayke?s; I was the only one without powers, or at least the only one who didn?t know of them.
?Having powers like ours doesn?t make us any less human than anyone else. It doesn?t make us some strange breed of mutant hybrids who should be locked in a cage. It just makes us enhanced, a superior to the others, not fortunate to be blessed with such gifts.? Blayke would say day in and day out, I?m not sure I actually ever believed him though. I never truly felt ?normal? wherever I was.
I stopped drawing for a while and placed my ?work? on my pillow. I smiled in admiration. Okay, she wasn?t perfect, but she still looked pretty good in my opinion. I added a thin string of black roses around her case just to make her look that bit more special. I smiled again and I tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear as I stood up off of my bed. As soon as my bare feet touched the black carpet, there was a loud knock at my bedroom door.
?Leigh! What are you doing in there? Come on, Blayke wants us all downstairs.? Landon shouted from the other side of the door. His voice was raised, but he wasn?t angry. Landon never got angry, no matter what.
?I?m done now; just let me get some socks or something on.? I said opening the door to him, ?it?s so cold today!?
Landon sighed and tossed his light brown fringe out of his shiny blue eyes.
?Take your time, sis? he said sarcastically as I pulled a pair of knee-length socks out of my draw. I stuck my tongue out at him and hopped to the door.
?Thank you.? he said with a smile, leading out of the doorway into one of the many corridors of ?our house?. I half pulled on a sock onto a frozen foot and attempted to follow after him. Trying to walk and do something as simple as put on a pair of socks was pretty hard when you?re as clumsy as me. As soon as I took just one hop out into the corridor, I fell forward into Landon with a bump. He quicker than a span around and caught me in his strong arms, pulling me into his chest slightly to steady me.
?You are so lucky I?m as fast as I am.? He said letting go of me. Landon?s power was enhanced speed, making him inhumanly sporty. Before Landon turned twenty and was young enough to go my school, he was easily the most popular guy there. Everyone adored him. He had looks that drove the girls wild, brains that make even the teachers gasp in admiration and of course, he was easily the best at sport in his year; he was the football team captain, the basketball team captain, the rounder?s team captain, the baseball team captain and the pretty-every-other-sport-in-the-world captain. Also, if that wasn?t enough, he could play the guitar. To be honest, I felt as if Landon had stolen all the talent my parents had and I was just left with nothing, stuck with not even a shadow as graceful and dark as his.
I smiled sheepishly. ?Yeah I guess. But I can look after myself; I?m not entirely useless you know.? I mumbled bending down and trying again to put my socks on. Landon smiled and shook his head. Before I knew it, I?d lost my balance, again, and landed on the floor in a heap. Landon put his hand over his mouth in a failed attempt to stifle his laughter.
?Not funny!? I snapped moodily. Landon offered his hand out to help me up once he?d composed himself. I sighed
and accepted it ungratefully.
?You are beyond useless you know, kid.? He said ruffling my auburn hair. I shrugged and skipped in front of him, down the corridor to the spiralling staircase. The others and I lived in a huge house, to say the least. Blayke was easily the richest man in the city and possibly the most well-known, not just for his knack of finding children to take under his wing or his stunning god-like looks but also the fact that he?s never had a seriously relationship in his life.
-----

so umm yeah
i'm 13 and this is partially for a fantasy project. what would you give it out of ten? also, is it an improvement from the one below? vvv

http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/quest ion/index;_ylt=Ap_k70u_dfxCfGLOzFEuVEUgB gx.;_ylv=3?qid=20090605123610AAW6rnx


Thanks!

 How's this scene? should i delete it and start it again, or leave it as it is? on Yahoo answers




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