the quick facts are : ive had a very hard life , ive missed out on everything; being employed , getting qualifications , getting an education , forming friendships ..
i have a criminal past although nothing major like murder.
a long psychiatric past , i have a personality disorder ( BPD ) and ptsd traits , im pursuing help right now and cooperating with the mental health services..
there is no individual psychotherapy in my area due to lack of resources , so im taking what their offering.
ive struggled with rage and aggression throughout my life, low self worth, persecutor paranoia, panic anxiety, agoraphobia, controlling aggression, antisocial conduct , racing thoughts , flashbacks of severe trauma.
i accept this , thats why im seeking help and of course i have insight into my difficulties..
ive made no friends in life or relationships as ive said before due to an extensive traumatic life, social problems, clingyness and low self esteem.
i live alone in a one bedroom flat on disability benefits, DLA - i own virtually nothing except a computer. no clothes hardly , no carpets on my floor , but i have the bare essentials.
the only thing in life that keeps me going is my goals and ambitions which im not prepared to compromise..
what i want in life is a steady career in computers , to earn ok money, move abroad from england to somewhere rural or coastal, or move to a better part of britain near the country, find a loving partner or wife , my own home , be independent , stand on my own 2 feet, security, love etc..
but look how far away iam from that life, that goal ? and im nearly 31 now , this coming january.
i have an injured ankle, torn ankle tendons , due to a sprain a year ago, so that will take time to heal, im doing physio exercises right now, will need an op to see what damage is done..
im depressed, disillusioned, bewildered, lonely, isolated , anxious..
how will i reach those goals in life when im starting from the position im in ?
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