i have alot to cope with in life , 31, living with BPD , not getting the right treatment , help and support, having OCD and ptsd undiagnosed and untreated to.....so far having endured a very tough life....missed out on everything in life....developing relationships....work, education....never happened, starting from scratch.
living in a one bedroom apartment on disability, owning hardly no possessions except a an old custom made computer...few books....an old playstation 2 a few games.......a few videos and dvds...some scratched......no carpets on my apartment floor.
no social support network, except the mental health services who are failing in providing the right help or further assesment......so i have to battle to get it.
i feel stigmatised in my notes, because i have a long mental health history....rage problems...threatening behaviour....been in a mental hospital ( ive improved with all this for years now without any help )
weeks ago , i had my left ankle operated on to repair torn ligaments, because i twisted my ankle badly a year back.........my ankle has been in a cast for 5 weeks, they took the cast off a week ago......now i have to wear an ankle brace for 6 weeks...
before i had my ankle operated on, my ankle was very weak.....kept easily twisting it.
anyhow after the op, having the cast off a week now.....now having to ring the physio for physiotherapy appointments to strengthen the ankle.
i worry because the ankle still feels weak, very elasticy, like if i stepped the wrong way, i could easily twist it again....and damage the ankle further or re injure it......it feels unstable......like there's the ' give ' in it , before the operation was done.
oh no, what if the ligaments wernt fixed properly ?
or i re- injure my ankle and have to go for another operation ?
these thoughts are racing through my mind and im obsessing, i already have more than enough on my plate....ie : my life situation etc.
this would be the last thing i need to happen.
how can i manage this fear ?
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